what do i want in life?

salam~

today..i was thinking again..after i was regretting my morning doing only pom..and havent finished till now..hish..then after i came back from lunch with eda n rijal..i was thinking again..last night i did something..which to me..will be a huge impact to my life..i wrote an email to him..just to clarify things..but till now..i havent get anything..its ok..i will wait..i can wait for 5 years..i am pretty sure i can wait for few day..let him think..but what if he refuses me? refuse? reject me..haha..yea thats the word..hmm..we'll look to that later..

so what was i thinking about? i saw a friend of mine changed her status from single to in relationship..so lucky of her..i envy her at that moment..no wonder she look all glowing..is it true? when u are in love ur inner beauty glow more brighter than ever? because few of my friends are glowing after they got in a relationship..they seem more pretty..well at least i saw them prettier..oh2..when will i be like them? but after i think and think..why do girls need boys? women need men? why do i need a guy in my life? to listen to my problems? to listen to my stories? i got girlfriends for that..and they can understand me way better than any guys would..because if i tell them..they would just say..aaa..girls..dont start to get into their problems..and u'll never get out..girls are complicated..men will never understand..yea rite..guys..if any are reading this..u just need to listen to her..then u'll understand her..what do i want to do with this so-called boyfriend? go out? baik go out with ita..no maksiat haha..to go out eating? baik masak sndiri..jimat..to study together? because i heard some were just be together just to study together..but in my case..where i got all nervous when with guys..even with lecturers..haha..so so not a good idea..so why do i need a guy for? lepak? i prefer lepak at home..gayut? i rather spend all those credits on my mom than spending them on some guy who i can never be sure i would end up marrying..so..what can i do even if i got a boyfriend?  but each and everytime i heard friends talking bout their boy/girlfriend..i feel like i need one too...what for? just because everyone has i need to have one too? haha..i still looking for the answer..they say..girls need to start looking when they are still studying in uni..so that later after graduating..they can get married or enggaged..but then the guys would say..oh..we should wait until our economy stable then we get married..i'll graduate at 25 then stable? frau lenz say..5 years..30 is not a good number to get married..too late..yes..i am traditional..mind me..i am from kedah..me myself dont mind not getting married for ever..but i cant let my parents hearing all those sick questions of having an unmarried daughter..ish2..pity them..huhu..so should i or shouldnt i look for one? or should i just wait? omg...why cant i stop thinking bout this? just because i found out my school friends are getting married? haish..azy! study2! ok~

still cant find a single reason to have a bf..can anyone tell me?

peace n out ^_^